I like to maintain a full and focused schedule at work, so when I do get home I rarely work. I dive right into motherhood in the evening and try to maintain that spirit throughout the weekend with Anaïs. I try to keep it separate and enjoy our family moments. The combination of work and motherhood is so gratifying that each gives strength unconsciously even if I’m focusing on the opposite. I feel better for having those two separate parts of my life. -Maryam Nassir Zadeh for THE GLOW.
This topic of work / motherhood balance occupies my thoughts more and more as my due date quickly approaches (only 2 more weeks!) As someone who loves her daily routine, I get simultaneously excited and scared as I think about how drastically my schedule is about to change. I think I’m about to learn the meaning of flexibility on an entirely new level since I know that life with a newborn – and a growing child – is rarely predictable and not something to be “controlled.” My hope is that I’ll grow into a more patient person in the process, not trying to rush through project A to get to project B (like I often do now), but instead allowing myself to slow down, enjoy the process and give my very best to what’s at hand – whether it’s styling a photo shoot for work, or taking time to watch my baby playing.
I’ve been reading a lot of advice from other mamas about how they maintain the balance of continuing to grow professionally, while also being the type of mom they want to be. The quote above is from a particularly inspiring interview on The Glow with Maryam Nassir Zadeh – I love how she talks about “diving into motherhood” when she’s not working, becoming fully present in the beauty of life with her family while not sacrificing her work in the process. I also really like this piece by Joy, in which she explores the idea that: “balance” isn’t the right word to use because balance implies that it all works out perfectly somehow. Rather, as mentioned in this quote, it really is about the juggle…how can we make it work within our own situations. It’s not always pretty or perfect, but in the end it works.
I know there’ll be a learning curve in the early days as our little family discovers a whole new rhythm that’s unique to us – and I’m actually really excited to see what that ends up looking like. I’d love to hear any advice on this topic that you guys have learned from experience, or even words of wisdom that have been shared with you – so feel free to weigh in with comments!
*image: The Glow
Hey. Work and motherhood – it’s a hard balance. But you’ll learn to cope. When baby first comes, it’s hard to think of ever having the time to balance anything every again. But eventually, and much too soon, baby becomes more and more independent, and you’ll have more time. A routine will form, and work it completely possible. Going back to work is tough, because (at least for me) it means leaving baby. But it’s entirely possible, you can do it. And it comes in baby steps. Everything isn’t all thrown on you at once. I have a 1 year old, and another on the way. Am I ever glad they didn’t both come at the same time! God gives us things as He knows we can handle them. I’m nervous about fitting baby #2 into the present routine. But this routine will change and bend to accommodate, it’ll be rough, but it will turn out alright in the end. Hope you’re excited! You’ll do a great job.
Interesting article by a woman who would know… it seems it may not be so easy to “have it all” if you are opposed to paying someone to raise your child: http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2012/07/why-women-still-can-8217-t-have-it-all/9020/
HI Camille,
The short answer is.. you dont. Give up the word balance which implies equilibrium and replace it with juggle, and it is a more attainable goal and certainly paints a more realistic picture. For those of us lucky enough to be self employed or with ample work flexibility, it can be done. But.. there are always sacrifices to be made. My advice: When faced with choices of what to prioritize, what to marginalize, and what to flat out neglect, let your instinct as a mother guide you, and you will rarely go wrong. Good luck! It is an amazing journey.
great insight and you said it succinctly. Going to replace “balance” with “juggle” right this minute. I already feel lighter
“… let your instinct as a mother guide you, and you will rarely go wrong.” … Great advice!! Love it and totally agree with it.
Here’s a snippet from when I was interviewed on this topic, hope it helps (I’m a mom of two little ones with my own business). This little baby has chosen you to learn and grow from for a reason and from what I can see, you will do great!!
“How do I balance work and family life? Haven’t yet figured that one out. But to me, it is most important that my kids grow up seeing a mom who is happy, empowered, inspired and fulfilled.
If I’m being honest with myself, being a stay at home mom does not bring out the best in me. It has taken me getting over a lot of guilt (not fully over that yet) to see that when I come home from work that I love, I come home happy and am a more fun, present and engaged mom.
When thinking about balance, I have to think about what kind of environment I want to create in my home. And being the “do it all” mom does not create a “happy peaceful” home in my house. I’ll probably never be the “bake the school cupcakes and sew halloween costumes” mom. It’s just not who I am.
There are other things that I’m good at and that I can provide for my children. And I’m choosing to focus on that.”
After 3 months of motherhood, I’m still trying to figure out how fit in enough work time without missing all the new things that happen with my son. I almost feel like I’m neglecting my business needs during the day and playing catch-up at night. Thanks for posting this, Camille. All the advice is good to read and reminds me to take it all in. This chaos only comes around once.
I totally understand where you are coming from. Being the mother of two boys, a business owner and a wife is definitely something that doesn’t come as easy as I would like it two at times. I have learned to embrace each moment as it comes and to appreciate all the little things that come along with it. There’s times when I look at my schedule and wonder how the hell am I going to pull this off. To be honest with you, it just seems to work. When you have a baby in the picture all the things that come along with that just tend to work out. I was once told that it’s truly not about balancing it all, some days it’s more about ENDURANCE .
You will look back a year from now and wish you had a shirt with a big “S” on it, for super MOM. You’ll be surprised at all the multi-tasking that will take place.
I have to say that you are one step ahead of the game by having the right mentality. Being flexible and willing/open to “go with the flow” is soooo important and will relieve stress likes there’s no tomorrow. Can hardly believe that you’re only 2 weeks away from your due date, seriously, how exciting is that?!
From a mom that works from home the lines get blurred when it comes to balancing your business, being a mommy and wife, etc. You do the best you can in giggling the many hats you wear. In the beginning NOTHING else will matter but your sweet baby in your arms. That feeling wont change any time soon. Don’t think you have to balance yourself right away, that is why you have great family and friend to help you. The bottom line is that you can read all the book and take advice from others but in the end you will know whats a good balance for you. Take a breath and keep breathing because your in for the ride of your life. All the best to you and your husband on the soon to be new arrival into your family. xoxo, Lisa
A juggling act is right and that’s probably the most difficult part of new motherhood, especially if you have to work 40 hours a week outside the home. Not only are you juggling work/home life, but you’re also juggling your personal relationships/friendships and fitting in the things you love to do on your own, say working out or reading. You may feel a little disconnected with your world at times, as your friendships will suffer a bit while you get adjusted to your new life.
So anytime you feel worn down or so immersed in diapers and feedings that you’re losing sense of who you once were, take a little time out for you. Even if it’s just once a week, have lunch with a girlfriend, spend an hour at your favorite coffee shop reading or take a yoga class. Taking care of yourself during this time is just as important as anything else. And the baby will survive for an hour without you – she probably won’t even know you’re gone.
You’ll also have to learn to let some things slide and just accept the changes now happening. Your house may not always be clean, dishes/laundry may not always be done, you may not hit the gym as often as you’d like and you’ll miss out on some fun times with friends, but it’s all worth it to enjoy the precious moments with your new bundle of joy that will fly by so quickly.
I wholeheartedly agree to let your instincts guide you. I listen to my gut, and it never leads me astray. And one of the best little nuggets anyone ever gave me – listen to the advice that others share, then do what’s best for you and your family. Good luck!
Btw, you should read “Mommy Wars” if you can. It contains several small essays from women in different situations (i.e. stay-at-home moms and working moms) discussing the struggles to all sides of motherhood. O Magazine says, “Ambition and attachment do battle in this book of fiercely honest essays.”
Camille!!! You are already such a wonderful mom for preparing yourself for your new world with baby! I have to admit, it’s a huge shock at first. It will be much more difficult to get things crossed off your to-do list, but you will have a new set of priorities and you will most definitely figure out what’s right for your own little family of three. Every single family is different. Your whole world will change – completely for the better! Just remember to slow down and cherish the quiet moments together
Wishing you the absolute best. Thinking about ya!
You always have such interesting topics, I can not resist!
(I love this quote and it is one to live by) but I would like to add:
I think being a women today means that we have so many opportunities that it’s almost overwhelming to hear one’s own voice. There are so many things we can now do that it’s hard to know where to set the bar because without doing so, we do give up something. My best advise and key I’ve found as a mother to to listen to your inner voice, truth your inner voice and BELIEVE you inner voice. It’s amazing what one can do if you put your mind to it and listen to your own voice, not others.
Although there is nothing like your precious time becoming a parent for a first time and having a first child, I found I could do almost anything with one baby with good planning. We traveling 6 times internationally this our first born (2/3′s of these alone!), I freelanced and …. it was lovely, dreamy, beautiful chaos — I loved it so much that we just kept buiding our family: having 3 kids within three years! Since I’m an ex-American freelance designer/illustrator (and recent blogger on creative parenting,) living in Sweden without family and network, with a traveling Swedish-French husband and international families — I felt that I did have to slow up my work, but becoming a mother has only strengthen my focus and goal orientation. I want to be a mom who’s really raising her kids — raising the next generation — and also my complete self which has meant putting the brakes on confidently and hitting the gas when it’s time to go with my own career!
Enjoy this precious, most amazing period in your life — some of the most life changing and vividly happy moments….
Lots of great advice here Camille!
I’ll keep mine short and sweet and say that I never regret the extra time and extra kisses I give my boys each day. When I leave this Earth, I doubt I’ll look back and wish I had spent my time any other way!
Enjoy those first few days and take a ton of photos! The macro setting on your camera is a great way to capture those little hands, toes and baby wrinkles too.
Congrats!