I’ll be honest – sitting down to write this post was more of a challenge than I expected. I’ve always considered myself a confident person: I thrive in groups even when I don’t know a lot of people, I’ve never had a problem with public speaking and I love meeting new people. I’m an extrovert, sure, but that doesn’t mean I’ve mastered the whole self-confidence thing. If you were to peek inside my head on a given day, you might hear questions like, “What if my idea isn’t well received?” “Will anyone actually come to my dinner party?” “Was that blog post good enough, or should I rewrite it again?”

Confidence is a process; no one can master it in a day. We’ve all heard the tip a hundred times: “Fake it ‘til you make it.” But simply pretending to have confidence skirts the real issue: confidence is about knowing yourself, understanding your strengths and weaknesses, knowing your fears and working to overcome them. But the good news is, it can be learned. I’m no psychology expert, but these are a few simple tricks I’ve integrated into my own life. Even if you only find one that strikes a chord, it just might be an important step towards a more confident you.

featured image by bryan rodner carr



1. Don’t play the comparison game.

It’s something we all fall into: comparing ourselves to others and  judging our  own talents based on someone else’s. The truth is, we’re all more confident in some areas of our lives than others, and instead of  focusing on how you measure up to someone else, take a moment to focus on your own strengths. Identify the parts of yourself that make you the most proud to be you, and celebrate those daily!

image source


2. Learn to accept praise.

You look beautiful today. You did a fantastic job on that project. Does anyone else tend to second-guess a compliment as soon as they hear it? I do. But chances are, if someone takes the time to pay you a compliment, they mean it! Learning to accept praise is a huge step in building confidence. No second-guessing, no diminishing the work you did. Just give a heartfelt smile and a simple thank you, and then take those words to heart.

image source


3. Take risks.

Try a bold new lip color. Say yes to last-minute weekend plans. Be the first to strike up a conversation at your next party (even if you don’t know a soul.) I’ve set a goal for myself to do one “daring” thing a day, no matter how small. Yesterday I wore a Panama hat to work, a style statement that is definitely out of the norm for minimalist me. For the first hour, I debated taking the hat off a dozen times. But the number of compliments I received when people noticed I was trying something different gave me more confidence than I ever could have imagined! So push your boundaries a little, even in small ways. You won’t get very far in building your confidence if you stay huddled inside your comfort zone.

image by erik melvin for garance dore


4. Change your attitude, mentally and physically.

Practice a positive mindset. Expect success from yourself and others. An optimistic outlook creates powerful energy and an instant confidence booster. And so can your posture! In one of my favorite Ted Talks, Amy Cuddy shares how body language can shape who you are (click here for the full video.) The smallest changes in your demeanor can dramatically affect how others see you. So start speaking with a stronger tone of voice. Stand up a little taller and straighter, and hold your head high. You will instantly appear more confident to others, and you’ll probably start to feel more confident yourself.

These are a few tips that keep me on the road to self-confidence, although I’m still a work-in-progress. What are some of the most effective ways you’ve built your own confidence? I’d love to know in the comments!

image by the coveteur

12 comments
  1. 1
    Jessica Rose | September 24, 2015 at 6:51 am

    Confidence is the make or break of life really, everything you have or lack tends to boil down to a positive or lack of confidence.Personally I feel it depends of your personality type as well and the situation your in. Lots of us tend to be confident in one/two area of our lives but not in control of all of them. 😉

    http://vodkaandarose.blogspot.co.uk

    Reply
  2. 2
    Vanessa @ Living in Steil | September 24, 2015 at 9:01 am

    This is a great post! I tend to ascribe to the “fake it ’till you make it” school of thought, but I think learning to accept compliments and project positivity are keys to feeling more confident about yourself.

    http://www.livinginsteil.com

    Reply
  3. 3
    Karin | September 24, 2015 at 9:16 am

    I absolutely love the video…and your whole segment…I will work on this. Thank you.

    Reply
  4. 4
    Merry | September 24, 2015 at 9:32 am

    I was skeptical when I read the title of this post, but these are some terrific ideas for making small changes each day. Thanks for a thought-provoking piece. camillestyles.com has been brimming with great life lessons lately! hats off to you ladies.

    Reply
  5. 5
    aspoonfulofnature | September 25, 2015 at 4:53 am

    such a great post!! I really need to work in confidence :S

    https://aspoonfulofnature.wordpress.com/

    Reply
  6. 6
    cassandra mcd. | September 26, 2015 at 8:17 pm

    Being introverted I am more on the quiet side. In the past a trick I used to get over my fear of public speaking was to look in the mirror and remind myself that I was confident and capable of accomplishing what I set my mind too.

    Really helpful tips! Thank you Emily.

    Reply
  7. 7
    Alexis Paige | September 28, 2015 at 10:52 pm

    Personally, I did not start learning to be confident in myself until I started loving myself. It was a single step everyday, but it all adds up. It starts with learning to like your hair, then the sound of your own voice and the way you shake sometimes when talking to strangers. Public speaking still may not be my first choice, but I am proud and confident enough not to turn it down now. Self love is the beginning of it all.

    paperrosies.com

    Reply
  8. 8
    justbreathe89 | September 29, 2015 at 4:07 pm

    Confidence is always something I struggle with. I always love putting myself down. These are some really helpful tips 🙂 xxx https://justbreathesite.wordpress.com/

    Reply
  9. 9
    Rosy | October 7, 2015 at 9:20 am

    Great article…. made me realise that my confidence is always a work in progress, it is not something that I can simply accomplish and move on! I agree with all your points… I can think of a few others of my own, this may have been inspired to write my own post about how I overcame may lack of confidence…

    Thanks for inspiring me…

    Rosy

    rosycreates.blogspot.com

    Reply
  10. 10
    Sandra W | October 7, 2015 at 11:48 am

    So that’s it? Two paragraphs?

    Reply
    • Chanel Dror | October 7, 2015 at 12:33 pm

      Click through the gallery slideshow for more tips from the author 🙂

      Reply
  11. 11
    Kinnari Patel | March 17, 2016 at 10:54 pm

    Loved the post. You could have added a few more tricks to boost confidence, such as learning some new skills, wearing clothes that suit our personality, maintaining good physique, working on speech, correcting the posture and last but not the least, staying physically active.

    Reply
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