As a longtime rom-com lover, I spent years imagining what dating in my twenties would look like. Maybe I’d be at my favorite bar in the Twin Cities, and someone would send over a drink. Or perhaps I’d accidentally bump into someone at my weekend coffee shop, spilling coffee and sparking a flirty conversation. Or even better—a meet-cute in a bookstore, bonding over Wuthering Heights with a hipster glasses-clad stranger. Moral of the story, figuring out how to put yourself out there seemed like a foreign concept to me.
Spoiler alert: None of these things actually happen.
If, by some cosmic miracle, they have happened to you, then know that I’m truly happy for you. But for the rest of us just trying to figure out how to put yourself out there and actually date in 2025, here’s the truth—dating is hard.
Dating Is Hard, but It’s Worth It
Before you accuse me of being a Debbie Downer, let me clarify: Dating is hard, but it’s also fun, challenging, and exciting. Anything that pushes us outside our comfort zones usually is.
When I talk to friends in the dating scene, I hear the same sighs and frustrations—especially about dating apps. Swiping left and right can be exhausting, and often, nothing comes of it. While apps work for some (shoutout to my friends who found love online!), they’re not for everyone. If you’re wondering how to put yourself out there beyond just swiping, here’s what’s worked for me.
1. Get Out of the House
Prince Charming isn’t going to break into your house (that would be breaking and entering). As a proud introvert, this realization hit me hard. If I actually wanted to meet people, I needed to leave my house.
Case in point: A few weeks ago, I was set on a cozy night in when a friend invited me to check out a new restaurant with her and her husband. Usually, I’d say no—she knows I love my alone time—but in the spirit of putting myself out there, I went. One of her husband’s friends joined us, and a week later, I ended up on a date with him.
I wasn’t looking for a date, but by simply showing up, I created an opportunity I’d have otherwise missed. Lesson learned: Saying yes to plans (even ones that seem small) can open unexpected doors.
2. Tell People You’re Single (Yes, Really)
Have you ever noticed that when someone asks, “Are you seeing anyone?” and you say no, they look disappointed? Like they need to reassure you that “the right person will come along.”
Instead of feeling awkward, own it. Heck, yes, I’m single—single as a Pringle and ready to mingle. (Yes, I’ve actually said that out loud.)
And don’t stop there. If a friend asks about your relationship status, flip it back on them: “Know anyone great you’d set me up with?” You don’t have to ask everyone, but by putting the idea out there, you’re working within a trusted network. Even if they don’t have someone in mind immediately, you’ve planted a seed.
3. Put Your Phone Away and Talk to People
We’re so glued to our phones that we often miss potential connections. If you’re always in “do not disturb” mode with headphones in and eyes locked on a screen, you’re not exactly giving off “come talk to me” energy.
Try this: Next time you’re out running errands or grabbing coffee, put your phone away. Make eye contact, smile, and say hi to a stranger. It feels terrifying at first, but small moments of connection can lead to something more.
Where to Put Yourself Out There
- In Your Community: I see the same guy in my apartment building every evening. For months, we ignored each other. Then, I started small—holding the elevator door, asking if he was done with a machine at the gym. Now, we chat regularly.
- At Church: Faith-based communities naturally encourage social interaction, whether through small groups or volunteer work.
- In Local Groups: Volunteering, cultural associations, or neighborhood events connect you with like-minded people.
- At Book Clubs: Discussing a book creates easy conversation starters—and could lead to deeper connections.
4. It’s About the Journey, Not Just the Destination
I work in an office of mostly married women, and they all tell me the same thing: The second you stop looking, you’ll meet someone.
Part of me believes this—many of my biggest life moments happened when I wasn’t obsessing over them. But another part of me knows that meeting people requires effort.
The reality? You get out of dating what you put into it. That doesn’t mean making it a full-time job, but it does mean giving yourself opportunities to meet people.
Practical Tips to Put Yourself Out There
- Set Small Goals: One friend challenged herself to go on four dates in a year. It wasn’t a huge number, but it helped her get comfortable. Your goal could be anything—being more vulnerable in conversations, planning a unique date, or just talking to new people.
- Join Something and Participate: Whether it’s a rec sports league, a volunteer group, or a hobby club, getting involved expands your social circle. Even if you don’t meet a romantic interest, you’re still broadening your network.
- Say “Yes” More Often: If you instinctively say no to plans outside your comfort zone, try saying yes more. That doesn’t mean forcing yourself into miserable situations—just embracing opportunities you might otherwise pass up.
- Be Open to Different People: Sticking to a specific “type” can limit your chances. The best connections often come from unexpected places.
- Improve Your Body Language: Crossed arms, avoiding eye contact, and closed-off posture make you less approachable. Smiling and maintaining open body language can make a big difference.
- Love Your Single Self: It’s easy to feel “behind” when friends are settling down, but the most attractive thing is being content with your own life. Confidence is magnetic.
Final Thoughts: Dating Isn’t a Science
There’s no magic formula for how to put yourself out there. What works for one person won’t work for another. The key is finding an approach that feels right for you—and remembering that dating is about the process, not just the outcome.
So, what have you learned about putting yourself out there? Drop your thoughts in the comments. I’d love to hear your experiences!
This post was last updated on April 5, 2025 to include new insights.
